Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Great Moments in Mass Transit

Blind panhandler, singing: Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see... If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on, honey, let me know...

--N train

Yuppie #1: Somebody had better shut that kid up.
Yuppie #2: Someone should tell that woman to control her child.
Yuppie #3, across train: Would somebody please tell that woman to shake her baby?!

--Very crowded R train

MTA announcer: ... And if you see any suspicious packages, please report them to the nearest MTA employee.
MTA guy cleaning platform: No, don't tell me nothin'. I don't wanna know nothin'.

--7 train platform, Woodside

Conductor: This is a downtown V train -- V as in 'vasectomy.'

--5th Ave

Drunk male ballet dancer: Can I have your attention, please? I'm not asking for money -- I just want to let you all know that I need to pee and I'm going to step between the cars for a moment. I'll be right back, don't worry. [He steps out of the car onto the walkway for a few seconds, then comes back in. Whole car applauds.]

--1 train

Conductor: Next stop, Penn Station. Black power, motherfuckers.

--2 train, 42nd St

Conductor on PA: Excuse me, ma'am, maybe it would work better if you went to the next door -- it's less crowded. [Lady walks to next door, but before she gets there the conductor closes them.] Haha, bitch! Toot, toot!

--Crowded 2 train

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