"The Board of Elections can suck my dick": A Salute to America's Most Awesome Mayoral Candidates

Bruce Tumin, candidate for Mayor of North Lauderdale, FL:

According to the police report released yesterday, when officers, who received an anonymous call of a loud party, responded to the house, they found Tumin yelling and cursing at a woman who was sitting on a truck.

"Why are you sitting on the truck? Is that your f---ing truck? Who gave you permission to sit on that truck?" Tumin said, according to the report.

When officers approached Tumin, they could "smell a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from the defendant's breath and person," the report read.

The report also noted that Tumin had slurred speech and red, glassy eyes.

When Tumin was ordered to leave the party he gave the classic line, "Do you know who I am?" to officers, according to the report.

Well played!

Tony Phillips, candidate for Mayor of Allentown, PA:

Tony Phillips says he's taken a lot of hits in the past week. And the hits just keep coming. Allentown mayoral candidate Tony Phillips' troubles began a week ago when a woman he had an affair with from 2003 to 2007 tricked him into talking dirty on the Internet. Margarita Lopez - aka Delores - posted the conversation online under the heading "is this the kind of man we want for mayor of Allentown?" But this week, Lopez tells 69 News her motives were not political. Now she says, she wants women to know she's HIV positive and Phillips might have been exposed.

!!!!

Leo Awgowhat, candidate for Mayor of Memphis, TN:

Leo Awgowhat, who explained that he had a multiple personality disorder and was living off government “crazy checks.” (At birth he was known as Jason Wells.) If his chosen — and now apparently legal — last name sounds like part of a familiar knock-knock joke with a profane punchline, it’s because it is. The T-shirt he wore Tuesday night (next to a somewhat grossed-out and ultra-serious ‘Randy Cagle) all but spelled out most of the punchline: “Go —-k Yo-rself.”

Awgowhat, oddly enough, was not the craziest candidate on dais for the recent mayoral debate. (via WS).

But the winner has to go to Jimmy McMillan, candidate for Mayor of New York City:

Shortly after he met with the board to plead his case yesterday, we called McMillan to see what was going on. Barely had we said "hi" before he launched into this expletive-laden tirade (click for audio):

"I had a hell of a day, man. I would love to put on my website that the Board of Elections can suck my dick, I would love to do that, but I got little children going to my website, I can't do it, the motherfuckers. I would love to, before every one of them go to bed at night, suckin' my damn dick. That's what I'd love to put on my website. Every fuckin' one of them, you know.

He added, "I'll put it on my website, fuck the motherfuckers, man." It was at this point we decided to stop Mr. McMillan and get him to speak on the record. Turns out he already had been. "You're saying that everything you just said can be on the record?" we confirmed. "Everything I just said. Suck my fuckin' dick, the fuckin' board, every fuckin' one of them."

Vote McMillan: It's for the Kids!

Bravo, one and all!