Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dirty Trick of the Day

From the Dirty South.


random n00b said...

omg, Chief

If you don't write a new blog post pretty soon people are going to take this Dirty Trick as a suggestion. You need to ask yourslef - can Oshkosh bear any more salaciousness than it already has?

On the other hand,I'm sure you don't mind increased blog traffic, and some of the other "social networking" sites I frequent have active sub-communities of fan-fiction and fanart enthusiasts. Maybe you could pump up your pageviews and enliven the blog community that way.
People take popular characters from games etc, and "pair" them (often same-sex pairings) and create amateur spin-off fiction, illustrations etc. A lot of the teens on the sites are probably Republicans' kids, so you know it gets steamy sometimes (all that repression and denial at home builds up you know).

so, if you don't get this post bumped off, I wouldn't be surprised if people started suggesting a few novel pairings from among your local politicians. Which would be entirely on YOUR head, not mine.

BTW - when you refer to a "pairing" you combine the names, so Sasuke Uchiha and Sakura from Naruto are romanticly linked as "Sasusaku", or Axel and Riku from Final Fanasy Kingdom hearts (both males) are "AkuRiku". So if you were to write a Osh Council fanfiction "spin-off" doujinshi about say... the mayor and the newest appointee, it might be referred to as "BuchSlinger". You know, I'm just trying to give a real life example of internet subculture behaviors. But like I said, hurry up with that new post before someone slips up and we all get sued for salaciousness.

Sue N. Salacious said...

The councilman shivered involuntarily as he felt something brush his thigh...again. Nervously he glanced around the council chambers, to see if his small thrill had been witnessed. No, he sighed, apparently the few plebeians in attendance were busy fending off the narcolepsy that plagued them all so unrelentingly during Council comments. An un-washed man in a graying shirt riffled though a small file of papers, preparing to give City Hall "what for" and sprinkling the microphone with angry spittle. The dry rustling of the sheets seemed amplified in the stifling air, but still did not lessen the roar of the councilman’s own pulse in his ears. It was all so relentless: the soft moaning voice reviewing the State statutes, over and over, the rasping sound of pages, each sheet dragged slowly and laboriously over the other, back and forth, back and forth...would this meeting never end?

Again, the small pull of fabric on his thigh, this time accompanied by the shock of certainty that at once froze his flesh and turned the blood in his veins to molten desire. No, this was no accident. Shyly he glanced at the familiar and manly form to his left, the gleam of a wedding band on his fellow councilman's hand caught his eye. Oh, he knew all too well the passions that could not be bound by that well-intentioned yet ineffectual golden circlet. And he knew the look of it, as it lay with a pile of coins, house keys, and a watch on the motel nightstand, forgotten…for hour after languid hour.

The warmth of the room and the deep resonant voice of the councilman caused him to flush with heat now. He unbuttoned his shirt collar, a mistake. It only brought to mind other fingers, deftly unbuttoning that same shirt for him. Rapidly, but not rapidly enough.

Desperate now, he brought all his powers of focus back into the Council Chamber and onto the citizen that now approached the flimsy pressed-wood podium. He could scarce believe that he was actually intending to listen to a constituent, but he needed any kind of distraction now. Yes anything, even that. Through the roiling clouds that fomented in the recesses of his mind he began to perceive that the citizen was angry with the mayor.
Oh aren't they all, he thought, yes every father-fixated one of them.
He noticed now that it was the same man with the sheaf of papers: the man was still compulsively rubbing them back and forth, but faster now. He spoke rapidly, his breath coming in short gasps, the mayor's new appointments had rubbed everyone raw he claimed, the entire community was suffering from heightened sensitivity, his voice rose in crescendo as he described the tensions that were mounting throughout the city, driving his words home by pounding the podium, again and again until he finally cried out for more citizen input, dammit he finally gasped, the mayor was just too rigid.

Oh my God, will this meeting never end?

Sue N. Salacious said...

The long shadow draped along the doorframe was a man. Known to some as only "The Chief", he wore his trench coat well, it fell from broad shoulders and hinted at slim muscularity and cat-like reflexes. He studied the panoply of pedantry with narrowed eyes. These councilmen did love to give their vocal chords a work-out, didn't they. The thought reminded him that he should probably skip the gym in the morning, this promised to be along night. He felt a tense presence at his side and quickly shifted to allow a bustling figure pass by. "Hi Cheryl" he said quietly. She said nothing, gave a dismissive nod and took a seat. He wasn't her type. She was one of those self-styled journalists. Bloggers and forum feeders infested this town like roaches, giving him a perfect cover. A cover for his other cover, because he was so unknown to everyone that even those who didn't know him, didn't know they didn't know him.
He was that good.

"According to my reading of the statutes..."the voice brought his attention from trying to identify the various components of the strange smells in the room, back to the pedantry. He loved the word "pedantic", it was the one word he knew that when you said it, you actually became it. No he couldn’t think of a single soul who could pull off saying "pedantic" without being a pedantic mofo. And that guy up on the dais took the cake. Yeah, he took the cake all right; he ate the cake, and then billed the city for the cake.
He was that pedantic.

The whole room had moved on to talk of The Infrastructure now. Who would have imagined that so many would talk so passionately and so often about sewers. Storm sewers, sanitary sewers...and clogged sewers.
The Chief shifted back into deeper shadow, a shaft of moonlight caressing his chiseled features. Yes, he vowed silently to himself again, he would find out just what was clogging those sewers. What....or,who.

CJ said...

Sue Nior Salicious

Funny, funny stuff. Just a little back alley, side street advice- you might blow your cover by showing your pedantic love (I know you know what I mean. You know?) and those displays of habitual slang. mofo comes to mind.


cJ-dar mcd

S N-S margin note said...

Point taken, but I had assumed my cover was not nearly as good as The Chief's. Like not matter what I call myself, i assume I have about as much cover as a pole-dancer at the Boom Boom Room.
BUT The Chief had said "mofos" with regards to Tea Party Rally folks in times past, and I remember his post on Gableman in which he called the Fine Barrister a "douchebag".
Yeah, that was back when I thought I didn't like The Chief. But that was before I saw the moonlight caressing his face and the steel-belted radial body straining against the confines of the trenchcoat, a subtle threat (or is that Treat) to every woman in the room, etc etc.
(well, most of the women anyway...)

btw I love my new middle name, thanks. I wonder if I should become a hyphen.
"Sue Noir-Salacious"

Yep I believe I shall
thanks again

Anonymous said...

So much going on in Wisconsin and the rest of the world right now, and where is the Chief? Come back please!

Anonymous said...

Did you hear Leah Vukmir is running for State Senate?

Mildred Muckenfuss said...

She might as well.
With Kathleen Vinehout as the Assembly's official Stealth Republican favorable to school vouchers and steadfastly undermining women's reproductive rights Vukmir can feel secure that bases are covered there.

Blaargh. Vukmir and Vinehout - neither are the kind of 'V' you really want to see.

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